With heart

I want to watch Toy Story 3 and get rid of this mellow cloud floating just above my head.

Senior Pastor talked about how during this season of going through BCM would mean that we would have to dig deep and open up, being vulnerable. I don't think I know how if I don't see an end to the black hole of memories in me. After today's message, I think I find myself asking more questions about myself and being more shaken. Am I really okay? Have I really gotten over all these feelings of hurt from them before? Can I afford to be vulnerable without breaking? Do I dare to walk down and submerge myself into all that thinking? Is it beneficial? I don't dare. I feel fine with everything now and I know what I experienced was part of nurturing me and helping me to be who I am today. Without all that has happened, I don't think I would be able to have such intimacy with God as my Father, friend and everything. Is it wrong to think like that?

I guess I'll still go as deep and be as honest as I can without falling suddenly into a place where I can't breathe. Am I ready?

Ugh. So confused now.