"Been up all night
Staring at you
Wondering what's on your mind"
- Schuyler Fisk and Joshua Radin, Paperweight

Once again.

Wordpress beckons, but how? ):
Okay, do your work! D:

Regardless

Mark 6:30-31
The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest."

(Reference: Wednesday, 19 May 2010)
The best words to start the morning. It finally became clear to me that this is my season of rest. In all areas of my life - physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually.

So, this is what You meant. How should have been more alert/ aware. I think a part of me has been so used to doing and giving that it was quite hard for me to believe that what God asked me to do was to rest. Also, I didn't exactly grasp the aspect of how to rest. But this is good (: Better late than never. I think it's going to be exciting! :3

"I called, You answered
And You came to my rescue
And I wanna be where You are"
- Hillsong, Came To My Rescue

"When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part"
- John Mayer, Dreaming With A Broken Heart

Not only is it lonely and broken. It hurts like a bitch. Rather reluctant to go about this weekend and proceed with the new week, which doesn't seem rather new considering it's a rather monotonous lifestyle. It feels like after everyday, a part of me dies down.

God, please re-ignite me.
"Look in the smallest places."

And... yes. Sigh.
Shit. I feel so dumb.

I have no ambition, no drive, no energy, no life, no love, no feelings, no thoughts, no words to say. Nothing left. A broken heart is an open heart.

Then I remember the ring Power Ranger sent over - "Hope".

I think it's ironic how I still so strongly believe in genuine feelings, honesty and trust being poured into every relationship established considering that I'm in a course that promotes on-the-surface, touch-and-go relationships that probably won't go very far or even run very deep. People do the fast connection to "protect themselves" from being "put out there" which may in turn get you hurt and with the mentality that "you can't please everyone". Sounds silly? Is this dumb? I don't know.

One thing I'm sure of is that I love (or try to with my best capabilities) because He first loved me. And love may not build back the same amount of trust, but love gives second chances.

Change is a process that starts from the first step taken.

In the best way I can try

Life is abstract. When you think you get it, you can go one round, be back at the same spot and realize, you didn't understand it at all. I guess, this is what makes life more interesting. Or, at least, the human mind is abstract. Life is meant to be simple. Just that we complicate everything when we involve our head and our hearts. Not that it's not meant to be like that. But through everything, I guess there will be an answer if you open your eyes wide enough.

So, what's in my head today?
Oh nothing much. Just a bunch of unanswered questions which I think will remain unanswered till the time is right.

"It's a long, long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long, long journey
And I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you"
- Corrinne May, Journey

Romans 5:5
And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Life is open-ended, full of possibilities of how you can write it out.

Same rule still applies in my life.
Love God first, regardless. Any other things that come my way are added bonuses.

I'm actually happy just that I'm really really tired to show any emotion which makes me sad ):

Haha! Okay, this is a sign that I'm tired. I kind of really want an easy night, lying in bed talking with God and falling asleep so naturally thereafter.

Song of the moment: John Mayer, Stop This Train

"Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold
Speak to me"
- All American Rejects, Move Along

"Birds of passage, you and me
We fly instinctively
When the summer’s over and the dark clouds hide the sun
Neither you nor I’m to blame when all is said and done"
- Mamma Mia OST, When All Is Said And Done

Thinking things: "Courage"

Personally, I feel that honest communication in any relationship builds trust and trust is essential to have better relationships. It's no easy feat but you've got to do what you've got to do if you want to preserve something that means so much to you I guess. No, it doesn't get easier after every time you've done it but it gives you satisfaction knowing that you were being true to your feelings and honest with the person, be it a friend or a life partner.

It’s good to open your mind and explore the horizons of yourself. Just be careful not to lose your heart in the process of gaining your head.

Let this heart beat again, let this life breathe again.

"Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good"
- John Mayer, The Heart Of Life

To stop something that has never started? Maybe. Maybe it'll be for the better.

"You can't lose what you never had"
- Westlife

A tad bit speechless and wondering why. I wonder what's running through your mind and heart.
Anyway, it's going to be a long weekend and another week ahead. Meow.

Just finished watching Amelia, a movie that is based on the legendary American aviatrix, Amelia Earhart. Such a story filled with inspiration yet it ended with such a tragedy and sadness to learn that such an icon was lost in her sea of adventure. Now, Mandy Moore and Jonathan Foreman, Someday We'll Know has a new meaning to it. Especially after finding out Amelia Earhart went missing in the pursuit of her never-ending dream.

"Bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
Watched the stars crash into the sea"
- Mandy Moore and Jonathan Foreman, Someday We'll Know

"All that I am is in You
All that I seek is to follow You
I run to Your side when You call
There is the hope I am longing for

Just to be by your side
There is hope in my life
There is no greater freedom I’ll find

So take my life
And all that I have to give
Take my world
Just inhabit all of it
Take my dreams
Make me assuredly Yours"
- Paradise Church, Assuredly Yours

Empty me

There's a silent divide we can't avoid. I need to bail out. Be invisible, not talk to anyone, think straight, run away. I don't know. I don't know. I hear a small voice telling me, "Give up." Maybe I should. Yet I'm conflicted when I remember all the other people I'm letting down. It's only Week 3.

What to do? What to do?

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things on earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace"
- Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

BraveHope/ Faith

Acts 27: 25
So keep up your courage, men, for I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me.

I'm holding on to Your promises, learning of Your faithfulness.
I trust You God.

As usual, to sleep early and forget about this, all this, especially the bad things that happened in the day. Like how I've always been dealing with the Y2S1 or actually, my whole life. I try my best.

"I'm just out to find
The better part of me"
- Five For Fighting, Superman

I hate being upset. I eat when I'm upset. Roar.

It's sad to see us in the state we're in. I thought this was stronger than what is seemed to be. I guess not really after all. It seems bleak and like there's nothing I can do about anything at all. I guess I kind of expected it but just don't really want to face up to it. But then again, we all make choices. I do too. We all strive to make the right decisions. But I'm just saying, I'll be around if you still need me. I wish you were here to keep me calm. But yes, I do still look out for you (:

Funny how regardless of how much we don't want to be in this position, we find ourselves waiting till the day people realize that in most times, we're doing the same to others. I guess, I try to follow this to the best I can.

"Do unto others what you want them to do unto you."

I try. Aren't we all trying?

Put your mind to sleep and don't let it haunt you. I'll try, I'll try.

"I've got time while she's got freedom
And when a heart breaks
No, it don't break even"
- The Script, Breakeven

I had a fantastic but weird dream. Woke up chripy, trying to control the excessive smiling. The best part was that I felt so warm and fuzzy and the whole dream felt so real! Heehee (: Is this my sign? That things will be taken a step further between us? That I should keep waiting?
But then again, it's only a dream. A dream so filled with hope and happiness (:

"Cause she's bittersweet, she knocks me off of my feet"
- The Click Five, Just The Girl